


Morons need friends

by wanderingsmith



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 20:19:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2665031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingsmith/pseuds/wanderingsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I hate to sound like a chick, but what are you apologizing for?"  <br/>Frowning to himself, Barney was glad *he* was used to interpreting every inflection of Lee's voice over radio or while unable to look away from a target.  He knew that wasn't sarcasm.  Knew it wasn't an implication that he didn't *need* to apologize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I ain't got no money, and nobody'd be daft enough to pay me for this. As it is thought, so let it be said; you make the toys, I play with 'em.
> 
> So I was happily (well. maybe not *happily*, because Lee was once again trying to deal with hte fact that his friend-cum-boyfriend is a fucking idiot and so he's kinda mopey...) moving a sequel to That explains much along, and then THIS just up and took over the data stream. How rude, no?
> 
> WARNING!!  
> unless **someone** gets his head on straight (or punched straight).. this is currently sitting as UST. and I can make no promise of it getting into a better state of mind

Drummer had dumped Trench and Yang with Barney, making the invaders of yet another of the Agency's safe houses a dirty dozen. A dozen too many loud, rowdy, hyper idiots for the two showers and the small rooms.

Last to step into the main room after having gotten rid of most of his field-gear, it didn't take Barney long to glance over the chaos and know his target was elsewhere.

Before he resorted to hoping a radio call would actually be answered, he noticed the rickety stairs upward and made his way to the roof, leaving the crew to sort themselves out like the adults they were supposed to be. After everything, if they still had the energy for a knock 'em down drag 'em out fight, he really didn't give a shit if they thrashed the place.

Seeing Lee sitting hunched-over, elbows on his knees, on one of the roof's crumbling stone chimneys, looking even grimmer than he had on the way to the compound, Barney's jaw clenched and he made himself walk over. He'd tried to tell himself everything was fine once Christmas had forced his way back besides him, but every time he turned to him... 

There was fear riding inside him; acid in his gut. Different fear than the nightmare of Lee taking the fall for Barney's losing his head when he saw Stonebanks.

*He'd* been the one to send *Lee* away; but he knew, now, he'd only managed it because he didn't intend to survive. He'd closed himself to everything real and focused on the goal; and even if he did have a will to live... it was only as strong as getting the job done. Now... If he lost Lee. If he'd *already* lost him...

He just didn't know how to fix what he'd done to them.

He stood over him for a minute; every second that Lee ignored him, or was so deep in his thoughts as to not see him, making his gut shiver harder. Lee's body language was about as closed and don't touch me as it got, and Barney had a bad feeling if he so much as laid a finger on those tight shoulders, he'd unleash a screaming fury. But he couldn't just... He looked down and was moving before he could think twice, dropping awkwardly, trying to ignore the agony of new bruises on top of old, to sit on the roof's worn cement, back resting against Lee's legs.

"The hell!" The jerk in Lee's body and shock in his voice at least took away the grim thought that Lee had been *deliberately* ignoring him. "Barney?"

The hint of actual worry in the voice and the hesitant hand coming to sit on his shoulder even gave him a bit of hope and he found his voice. Even found a word to say, seeing as last time it got him pulled up onto a chopper. "I'm sorry."

Lee's responding silence felt heavy. Thick with the hurt that Barney kept seeing dulling his eyes whenever the sullen anger wasn't strong enough to hide it. 

"I hate to sound like a chick, but what are you apologizing for?" 

Frowning to himself, Barney was glad *he* was used to interpreting every inflection of Lee's voice over radio or while unable to look away from a target. He knew that wasn't sarcasm. Knew it wasn't an implication that he didn't *need* to apologize.

He still opened his mouth with a smartass response on his tongue, but then grimaced and shut up. He couldn't afford it. His chances of not losing this fight were already too faint.

He could do flat truth... For Lee, he could; *would* dig through the muck in his soul and find truth. He let his head tilt back, tensed in expectation of being shoved off from the extra proximity, but Lee didn't move. Just sat, still and waiting. Now or never, Ross; most likely *literally*. "For hurting you."

He felt some tension let go from the legs at his back, heard a breath that sounded like a sigh, "D'you even know *why*.."

Barney frowned, trying to guess what the rest of that question was, but coming up empty. When Lee didn't find the words for it either, Barney's fist twitched, knowing he wasn't nearly safe. "I know... I know you wanted to help-" The hand on his shoulder tightened and he quieted.

"I wanted to avenge my friend and keep another alive, you dumbass." 

There was no heat to the tired words, and Barney took a calming breath to reply in kind. "*I* wanted to keep *you* alive.. And the guys."

"Yeah, but *I* wouldn't have done it by stopping you doing what you need, what you love." Barney had to stiffen himself against the claw suddenly digging into his shoulder as Lee's voice lost its grip on calm, knowing he deserved the pain, "What would you do to me, Barney, if *I* took off alone on some suicidal revenge mission? If some fucker from my black past showed up and fucking knifed you to make me suffer for whatever shit I did to them and I took off after them without letting any of you back me up??"

Somewhere between terror at the vision of Lee doing such a damn fool thing, and worry that the anger snarling in Lee's rough voice would send his old friend to his feet, Barney's hands had grabbed for the booted ankles at his back and he was tensed, feeling danger crawling around them. Truth. It was all he had. "I'd- scream at you for half a day. And not let you out of my sight for a month."

He heard how long Lee caught his breath for; and then he just seemed to collapse, both arms sliding to Barney's chest, much to his shock, and Lee's head pressing to the top of his; and it was Barney's turn to freeze.

"Yeah," Lee finally huffed, face rubbing at Barney's filth-embedded hair, "Alright. I guess we can do that." 

Barney breathed light and quick as he tried to decipher if that was a good thing, and one of Lee's hands patted his chest as though to reassure a child, "Settle down. I'm too beat to scream at you right now. And your kids would be a little unsettled, I think. Just don't try to get out of my sight."

...Fuck. Barney's eyes were wide, he knew that. But he couldn't see shit. That.. that sounded like.. "*Our* kids?" he tensed even as he said it -*wheedled* it!-, mentally yelling at himself for pushing just when he was just starting to fucking see safety!

There was silence for several heartbeats too long, but then Lee sighed, the air blowing across Barney's forehead, "Why'd you have to be such a fucking idiot Barney? I'm too old to deal with dumbass pups again. You're already a strain on my temper."

The whine in the nagging tone was so perfectly familiar that Barney's tension collapsed, hands letting go their desperate grip, back muscles letting go to mold to their bumpy rest, head dropping back and only held up by Lee's pressing on it. Thank fucking God! Please. Please make this stick. Don't fucking let him fuck this up again!

"Easy, Barney," the hand patted some more, and this time Barney reached a hand of his own up and covered it, breathing deep. He had his world back. 

Toll had called as soon as they'd got in this place and gotten an update on Caesar, and he was finally in the clear. Going to be fine. His team, all nine maniacs, were going to be fine. 

And Lee. Lee was giving him another chance. Ten maniacs.

Then Lee shifted, and suddenly his breath was on Barney's ear, his voice a diamond-hard whisper, "Understand this, Barney. If you'd managed to get yourself killed? I'd have called in every fucking favour I have owed to me and hunted that fucking bastard down, alone; and *believe* me, I'd have gotten him if it took my LAST.DROP.of.BLOOD. But if I survived?" Barney's steely grip on Lee's hand had to be hurting the man, but it was entirely different pain that poured into his voice, now, etching the diamond off, "I'd have ended up a washed up drunk in some dive, just waiting to die so I could track you down and spend eternity handing you your ass in Hades! Think about *that*, the next time you try to **protect** me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There IS at least *some* more written. just.. tweaking it


	2. Chapter 2

Barney wasn't sure how long they sat in silence while his imagination buried him in visions of screaming hell. And this time Lee didn't try to calm him as his pulse rattled. Just sat and held him as the heat-less sun went down and the air chilled. 

And Barney scrambled for a plan. If he'd been a different man, he'd have *wished* that Lee would change; but he wasn't. Had no faith, no willingness to let it ride and just wait. He needed to know what he was doing, had to be doing something to be in control. Or convince himself he controlled. At least a part of it.

Except there was no fix, nothing he could do. He couldn't stop Lee doing what he chose. Not once he was dead. This was one of those orders the brit *wouldn't* obey. There was no way to keep him safe! Fuckfuckfuck. THIS was why he didn't let people in, dammit!

He didn't notice when he started shivering. Not until Lee tightened his hold before grunting softly, "Come on. We both stink and you're freezing. If they haven't all had their turn yet, we're pulling rank."

Barney was too deep in his own head to react fast enough, and he felt Lee's arms slide under his, bringing him up when Lee rose behind him.

His stiffened limbs would still have dropped him if the man hadn't known him and automatically pulled Barney's arm around his shoulders, muttering to himself, "Shouldn't have let you sit there so long."

Barney's arm tightened without a word of complaint. At least he still had this. No matter how angry, Lee still stood with him. Still felt their connection enough to be in the right place, moving the right way; the knife guarding his back, the voice anchoring his thoughts. As long as he had that, Barney had no hesitations to begging his way back into Lee's trust by whatever means were necessary. And once he had it back... 

Lee knew him too well, he thought as they slowly stumbled across the now-dark rubble-strewn roof; that scenario he'd planted would never leave Barney's dreams. There wouldn't be a day he wouldn't know what he was doing if he pushed Lee away again. Easier to kill the man with his own hands than to think of leaving him to such a fate.

When they got to the stairwell, Lee gave him a measuring once-over and Barney's lips tightened, even if he kept his mouth shut. Over-protective Lee meant Lee cared; his damn pride knew better than to think it got precedence over that friendship. A thousand times more so today. 

"I guess you're steady enough not to make you hang on to my shoulders. But you *are* sticking close behind me."

And Barney never *could* help smiling at the man, nagging and bitching and bossing and all; his world, odd though some people would think it. Alive and healthy and at his side. "Yes, boss."

The flicker of eyes toward his was close enough to the old smirk to survive on. It had to be.

The house was shockingly quiet compared to earlier, and the two of them stared in exasperation at the people sitting in clusters along the main room's walls, in quiet conversation with mostly-empty pizza boxes scattered around them, like they were civilized people; as though they weren't the same bunch of rowdy maniacs that had threatened to smash the walls when they'd shoved their way in.

Doc was the first to spot them and gave them one of his mock-serious frown, "You don't look like you've near made up enough for all that time."

Barney had his hand on the back of Lee's neck before he even thought, fingers squeezing warning while his thumb stroked apology, grumbling warning at the now leering man, "Cut it out, Doc." 

He'd forgotten how the old Expendable always tried to rile people. Not a good mix with Lee's raw temper. Running a fast glance over the rest of the crew, he was glad most just nodded greeting with variations of tired; even Trench, for some reason. When he got back to Doc, he finally got a shrug and grimace of apology and nodded back to accept before tugging at Lee to drag him across the room toward the doorway to the showers.

"Is he *always* like that?"

Barney grimaced at the low-voiced grump, reminded of his own thoughts, "Yeah. He always was."

"Great. Just fucking great."

He hadn't realized he'd kept his hold on Lee's neck until he felt him hunch with the annoyed mutter. Hadn't realized how starved he'd gotten for familiar, trusted touch in just a few weeks essentially alone. He pulled the man to a stop and turned him, meeting eyes that were worn down and defencive instead of their usual bright challenge and sarcastic cheer, and Barney knew it was all his fucking fault. But he still had him. And he was NOT letting him go. And not letting him *think* that Barney would let him go again.

Hand still on Lee's nape, he pulled gently until their foreheads just touched; grime, dust, grease and the edge of Lee's beret and it felt weird as shit to be *that* close to someone, even Lee, but he needed something to cut through at least some of the muck around them. Way too much fucking bad distance around them for the threads of his sanity. "No one is going to change your place in my life, Christmas. I need you *more* than my *actual* fucking right hand; and you know that. Just.. let them stumble around you until they settle in. It's not the first time." There *had* been some testy characters they'd hired on over the years. Even ones that thought they could shove their way into Lee's place. It *wasn't* the first time.

"Not the same."

Barney shrugged, unable to deny that Doc was a slightly different situation, "Not that far from it. We both know you can hold your own. Hell, you deal with Gunner good." And not many had managed that over the years.

Lee huffed, their unaccustomed closeness sending the air playing on Barney's lips, "Gunner doesn't try to get between us."

Barney's hand tightened, a growl sneaking into his voice, "*No one* can do that." Not unless Lee put them there, anyway; his shoulders twitched, reminding himself she was fucking gone and he'd repeatedly told himself to let it fucking go!

A cleared throat nearby made them both jump and spin; the shock so soon after a fight sending Lee after his knives and Barney his guns... only to stand side by side, wide-eyed.. still in the main room. With entirely too many mercenaries staring at them in bemusement.

"You should, perhaps, wait to be in the next room to continue your conversation?"

"That's not a 'perhaps', Galgo." Toll was giving them both dry looks from his spot between Galgo and Yang, "We all want you two made up, boss, but we don't really need to see or hear the details. Just makes it harder to obey orders."

Lee choked before Barney could open his mouth, "I don't remember any of you obeying easily *before*!"

Hearing the laughter in the words was enough to relax Barney, and he actually smiled to himself as he calmly put his guns away while the crew threw laughing insults, and bits of crust, at Lee. And Lee *returned them*. Barney's loud-mouthed, stubborn, smartassed sod of a right-hand was back, at least enough to deal with the maniacs.

A calloused palm landing on *his* nape and tugging him away from the hecklers was a bit of a shock, though. 

"Come on Zero, before our *obedient* flock runs out of dry bits and start throwing messy shit." 

The warmth at his back was familiar enough to make up for the unfamiliar grip, and Barney let himself be escorted out. Though he did have to tease his 'guard' for the name he'd *known* he'd end up with sooner or later when Lee caught him smiling at some weirdass cartoon argument between Gunner and Caesar. "Admit it, Christmas. You *would* break me out." 

"No." Lee let him go once they were in the common change room, closing the door behind them before nailing Barney with a fierce look, "They won't get you alive in the first place."

And Barney wondered, staring at the man stripping off field-gear in an obviously memorized pattern, if Lee'd always been that protective. Or if Barney was about to learn what it felt like to have a bodyguard.

He shrugged to himself as he turned away to work at his own buckles and zippers; it didn't really matter. If the alternative was to not have Lee, he'd learn to work with him tagging Barney's elbows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I only found vague online references for an explanation of 'Zero' in the context Lee used it. Does anyone know a real one? Real explanation for the implications of calling barney Zero?
> 
> ETA: or is the 's' sound from 'thanks' and the name 'Hero'? um. can't decide. sticking to my version of Zero until further arguments are presented...


	3. Chapter 3

Feeling almost human, if a beat up human, Barney shook his head to get some of the water out and stepped out of the shower wiping a hand to clear his eyes, careful of the already-wet floor. And then raised his head to look around for something to dry off with; his filthy gear was going to be bad enough without trying to skin into it wet.

The first thing he saw was one of Lee's quiet smiles, and he felt his shoulders relax with a moment of ease. The second thing he saw was the towel he'd obviously just finished using and was holding out, "Here. Someone must have fought off the horde to keep one unused for us."

Taking the old, but dry enough to be usable, cloth gratefully, Barney started on his back, absently checking what injuries Lee'd picked aside from bruises through his gear. "Better than setting up camp in the woods." Bad bruises, though, even if those muscles of his hopefully took the brunt. When they got to some real medical supplies...

In the middle of crouching down for his vest with a silent grimace of disgust, Lee's answering snort was smeary, "Fuck, yeah. Or better yet, spend the night on the run."

The idea didn't bear thinking. Barney grunted as he bent to reach his pants. No, he definitely didn't want to contemplate a night-long run; didn't even really want to contemplate laying down, dammit!

"Hold it."

About to pull his underwear on, Barney raised a brow at the order, turning his head to send the smirk where it was deserved.

Lee had his medkit out of his vest and open on the floor, answering the question without needing it spoken, not even looking up to know the question was being asked, "You need some first aid before you transfer the shit from your clothes into those open cuts again."

Opening his mouth to dismiss the words, Barney froze at the glare Lee threw him as he rose. Then again, maybe he'd let the brit baby him, if that somehow helped to make up for his being an idiot. 

Wasn't the first time he'd stood still and kept himself from flinching as Lee worked him over with disinfectant and tape. Though usually Lee was dressed and Barney was at least half-dressed. But the change-room was warm enough from the steam of miraculously hot showers, and if Lee's low-voiced snarls were anything to go by, it was just possible he'd picked up more damage than he'd thought, which might explain how little distracting 'interest' he was having to try to suppress. 

He was just grateful Lee's touch was still as gentle as it could be; Gunner's first aid tended to be worse than most wounds. And though Toll and Caesar were careful, they were also uncomfortable, and tended to shake enough for it to be less than pleasant. Fine if you're bleeding to death, but definitely not worth it for scratches, even bleeders. 

"You have a fucking *knack* for pissing people off, you know that?"

Barney grunted at the unhappy whine. "Stonebanks was a fucking bastard, he can eat my shit."

Lee huffed behind him as he grabbed one shoulder with a warningly solid grip before he laid his disinfectant on Barney's opposite side, down low on his hip; and Barney just about shouted at the fucking *nasty* sting! 

"Sorry. I don't suppose you'd let your medical genius put a couple stitches in?"

"HELL no." Though he had to admit, that suddenly felt *damn* deep. But if it had rode along fine this long, it sure as fuck didn't *need* stitches.

"I'm bandaging it. Especially with your waistband right there to rubs shit in." 

Just as well he didn't see Barney's flinch at the thought.

"Alright. That was the worst of them. Let me bandage your hip and we can both wrestle with our clothes."

Once Lee'd butterflied the bleeders and padded the slice that must have got between his pants and vest, Barney gripped Lee's shoulder before he could take the kit away, "Your turn, Christmas." He raised a brow when the stubborn bastard actually opened his mouth to argue and the man seemed to get the message. Barney'd agreed to let him do his job; NOT to let him be any more of an idiot than it looked like he was going to allow Barney to be. 

"It's just bruises-"

"Most are, yeah. This," he touched disinfectant to a section of raw skin up on Lee's shoulder blade, other hand back on Lee's nape, ready for his violent jerk, "Is open skin."

"Shit!" Lee turned a glare on him. "You enjoyed that!"

Barney looked away from the knowing look with a smirk, leaning down to check the depth of a cut low on his back. "Just returning the fav- fuck!"

Barney's side picked that moment to throw a surprise spasm into his hip and he couldn't help the leg from dropping for a second, making his hand fly out for support as he caught his breath.

"I'd remember groping your ass." Lee's hands appearing on his shoulders to pull him up bellied the accusation and Barney didn't bother apologizing. "Come on, against the wall. Let me have a look."

There was cold tile at his back before he could think of trying to argue. Though he didn't think he would have anyway. Not once he'd seen the look on Lee's face. "I'm alright, Lee." He laid an un-restraining hand on the brit's shoulder as the man carefully took off the bandage he'd only just put on Barney's side. "I just leaned the wrong way. You know how sore even simple cuts can get inside."

"Yeah yeah. Stand still. If you won't have stitches I'm butterflying it under the bandage. And I better not catch you trying to lift anything heavier than a rocket-launcher for the next few days."

Barney snorted, but he could feel a shake in Lee's shoulder and he resisted commenting. He didn't like not pulling his weight but, hell, if it'd help settle Lee... he'd clench his teeth and let someone else load up; they had enough people. He might just deliberately make Christmas stand idly on the sideline *with* him though. He hissed as Lee massaged the surrounding muscles out of their freeze. He knew he needed it. He *did*. But he still flinched back as unpleasant bruises got skilled thumbs pressed into them.

"I'll be good if you let me finish your back without argument-" he raised his other hand, palm out to stop Lee interrupting when he jerked his head up with a glare, and sped his words up, "I'll be careful how I move!"

He waited until the man was satisfied and straightened to raise a brow and add mildly, "And I did not *grope*."

Finally seeing Lee's wide grin, even if only for a second, was damn good reward for taking the babying with grace.

 

When they finally got dressed and stepped back into the room, half the team was already asleep. They managed to find a few slices of pizza, and then Lee cleared the empty boxes out of the room, glaring at Barney when he went to bend over to help, and then they found themselves a spot on the floor to sleep. And if Lee glared at him, again, until he got on his good side so Lee could snug his back to Barney's, it wasn't the first time, and the warmth *did* make it easier to sleep on hard ground; he hardly cared if Trench, or any of the other newcomers, thought it was worth smirking about. He still had Lee and he'd get some half-decent rest tonight. And he had the time to work on getting his friend's real forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't find the exact article I read at the time, but my memory has putting rocket-launchers around 50lb, as reference.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And not let you out of my sight for a month.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually do New Year's resolutions, not how my head works. But. Having recently come across a fic that was SO close to being done.. and yet having been left to languish... I'm going to TRY (Ha!. Hear my cynicism) 'Finish and POST stories when they are 99% done. Stop staring at them and waiting for them to get better...'
> 
> so. here goes.

Once home though, he had to admit even he was a little surprised when Lee followed him to the truck after everyone dispersed to the collection of bikes and other vehicles that had accumulated around his hangar.

"Christmas?"

Slamming the passenger door behind himself, Lee gave him a hard stare, "I wasn't kidding about not letting you out of my sight."

Turning the key, Barney firmly ignored the way Lee's continued presence made going home suddenly a lot less depressing, and automatically arguing instead, "For one thing, there's no reason for me to go off anywhere, Christmas. And for another, I still don't have a spare bed."

"Your couch is longer and harder than Toll's."

Barney choked, for a second unable to resist a childish smirk. And Lee smirked *back*! Barney got his eyes back on the road, but kept his grin at the byplay, "And *why* are you sleeping on Toll's... couch?"

He saw Lee shrug out the corner of his eye, glancing in time to see him losing his grin, "Never got around to finding a new place after.. Billy. And got booted from the last motel. With Caesar still in hospital, Toll needed the company as much as I did, by then." Barney's shoulders tensed at that, hearing the silent accusation. "None of us do too well alone, Barney."

\-- 

He didn't usually fool himself. But sometimes.. sometimes he forgot just how bad he was at having heart-to-heart conversations. The fact that he usually found a way not to have to use the skill probably had something to do with it.

He had no idea how to get Lee to trust him again.

They got on well enough. He might be used to being alone at home, but he was also used to Lee ghosting him in all kinds of environments during jobs. It wasn't remotely jarring to have him silently at his back while getting groceries. Wasn't the first time the less than settled man had crashed on his couch for a few nights between accommodations, wasn't the first time they'd shared a bathroom.

It was jarring that Lee didn't tease, and barely even talked as they went through their days getting the plane ready for the next run, doing paperwork, and working the half-dozen refurb projects Barney had had going before everything went to hell. 

In the middle of the second shopping, he realized he'd never asked his 'guest' if he wanted anything; *that* idea was pretty jarring. 

Lee *could* get his own... The old Lee would have just thrown it in the cart and smirked a challenge at Barney to comment. 

The nightmares of watching, helpless, as Lee killed himself going after Stonebanks, or wandered, lost, though a hazy world of booze and violence, left him hurting and twitchy as he made himself turn to his silent shadow. For a second he let himself be distracted wondering what the fuck people thought when they saw them. Lee wasn't *dressed* as your stereotypical bodyguard, even if he was sure moving the damned moves. 

But he'd never cared what strangers thought outside of what was necessary to do his job. He met Lee's curious gaze with what he was aiming to be casual but earnest, doubting he could really hide much of anything from his old friend; he'd tried enough in the past, for a dozen reasons he wouldn't want to try to defend, now. "If you're really planning to stick around for a month, you want something, just let me know or throw it in the cart, right?"

Lee's stiff public mask faded into a ghost of a smile, much to Barney's relief, "I'm staying until you convince me you're never again pulling idiot shit like you've started doing the last few years," he shrugged, "I'm not fussy about food."

Breathing out the rattle of his pulse at knowing he had whatever time he needed to find words or actions to fix them, Barney frowned, "Who said fussy? This isn't a job; you don't have to eat what you're given. There's room in the bloody cupboards for whatever you usually keep when you're home."

The faint confusion the idea seemed to cause hurt Barney to see, but he'd never managed, unsurprisingly, to get the man to talk about why he kept moving, mostly from motel to motel. He'd made guesses over the years, but none of them made it easier to watch the man wander. All he could do had been to keep offering an ear to listen and a place for him to crash when he needed.

And room in his cupboards for whatever Lee was interested in as he finally seemed to pay attention to the shelves.

He wasn't really surprised that everything he grabbed turned out to be more of the junk food he'd been known to show up at the hangar with on early mornings. He was more surprised at Lee's sudden statement/request to grab a few more things from his locker to bring over. Pleasantly surprised.

 

The meetup with the team that night was even better. To see the little groups that now made up his team starting to mix without fighting. Hell, he thought he even did a decent job dealing with the invasion of his personal space by first Galgo, which wasn't that surprising, and then Luna, which *was*.

That Lee teased him. That he *smiled*, a *real*, honest to god LEE smile, when Barney acted before he thought and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close... that gave him hope.

Maybe time would fix this, if he could just keep from being stupid... But no, it would be cowardly to let things fix themselves. He fucking owed Lee to put in the effort.

He'd just never had to... *deliberately* earn anyone's trust. People either gave it to him, or didn't and he didn't care; or at least accepted it. He couldn't accept Lee not trusting him, talking to him; *smiling*. Maybe he should ask Galgo what he'd done to earn *his* trust; had to start *somewhere*.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And then had to slow himself as he started the run-through of the second objective. He was *not* fucking this up again.

"Smilee, you take your team 'round the hill and take over that damn electronic amusement park of a carpark; we need that escape route *clear* by the time we get done upstairs. I'll take the side door and get the plans; Christmas, you take-" 

Lee's hand landing heavy on his shoulder and gripping it stopped him like a shot. Lee never said a word, but Barney still heard his voice. Hard warning that Barney wasn't to try to get away from him. Harder nightmares of leaving Lee in hell if he chose wrong. 

There was a palpable silence in the air when he pulled himself from his howling thoughts, but there was nothing he was wiling to explain to the crowd. "Christmas and me will get the plans; Caesar, take the others and find that kid." He looked up, eyes blanking out anyone's expression, content that Lee's hand was lighter on his shoulder, trusting him to catch any arising personnel problem that Barney would need to be warned about, "Keep the damn noise down, and 15 minutes from go, everyone better be in the carpark ready to roll out to the second target. Questions?"

While he waited a couple heartbeats for any comments on the plan, Barney focused on reimaging the op in his head, locking Lee and Caesar in their places. Smashing the tense voice of old habits trying to snarl that he was putting someone, putting *Lee*, in more danger than necessary! 

And then had to slow himself as he started the run-through of the second objective, checking every step for more of his bad habits, and tweaking on the fly as he found them. He was *not* fucking this up again.

Lee stayed still when he dismissed the others to go, and when Barney turned, that hand stayed on his shoulder and he got a small nod of approval. Very small soft smile that only someone used to looking for the brit's expressions would catch. It wasn't the man's old snarky chatter and friendly digs, but it was a step in the right direction, and he nodded back before they both shook the moment off to get into the right mental space and follow the team to the loaded plane.

He could do this much, anyway. He fucking *could*!

..He had to.

\--

A couple weeks after that close call, Lee was still quiet and distant; but also still at his side. One night, in the middle of some kung fu movie the brit had given a grunt of vote for as they channel-surfed, Barney looked over to the half-asleep and still closed-off man on his couch, and hit mute. "Lee?"

"Yeah?"

Barney stared another few seconds, conflicted. "Lee. I swear. I will *never* do that again." When Lee sat up and stared at him, he repeated, quiet and staring all the honesty he could at one of the handful of people who *knew* him and, he hoped to God, knew he wouldn't lie. About anything like this. "I swear." It seemed too simple a thing, but...

The staring match went on for several minutes until finally, Lee nodded, some infinitesimal tension slowly draining, first from his face, then his shoulders; until between one heartbeat and the other, Barney found himself blinking quickly and clenching his teeth to keep a burn from leaking. *Lee*!

*His* Lee slouched back into the couch, the hint of a smile starting to light his features as they still stared at each other. And Barney wondered dazedly what the man saw on him. Could he see the breathless relief? The revived hope for a future worth living?

"So," Lee still watched him with that quiet smile, "I'll wait for the morning to move on, if you don't mind."

Barney's rising peace froze, utterly uncomprehending betrayal shocking him.

"Barney??"

Barney's eyes refocused slowly, freezing, riveting pain still echoing through him. The hand landing on his shoulder pulled his attention to Lee leaning over him with a worried expression, "What the hell, Barney??"

..How could he even ask that? "Why are you.. moving on?" It didn't feel like he had enough left to fight for for pride to care that his voice was so faint and sickly. Why had Lee bothered to make him try to... to *fix* things, if he was going to leave anyway? And why the hell was Lee still looking confused?? The man had never misunderstood Barney like this, even the first day he'd walked into Tool's shop!

"Why? I only forced myself into your house 'cause you were being a fucking stubborn idiot.. if you *swear* to me you'll never do that again," Lee shrugged; and by then Barney had slumped back, breathing deep and calling himself a *hell* of a fucking idiot for jumping to conclusions he should have known Lee better than to believe. "I trust you. I don't need to guard you if you finally get what I was trying to get through to you."

Barney nodded understanding, pulse settling back down; melancholy replacing the betrayal. Still had Lee. That was what counted. It took a minute to notice the brit hadn't moved back and was still watching with unhidden worry. 

"What... Don't you want your house back?"

Barney shrugged, the last few weeks of tension leading him to just say things flat out that he would otherwise never reveal without a joke to lighten them. "Not especially, Christmas. It's.. good, having you here." Yeah.. he'd known he'd sound like a pitiful bastard. The truth hurt. Just not as much as fucking things up again would.

But Lee just smiled easy, patting Barney's shoulder before going back to his couch without so much as a smirk for Barney's sentimentality. "It *is* good. Just didn't think you'd want to put up with it per- for long."

Permanently. Lee might have cut off the word, but Barney heard it. And he wanted it, suddenly. Hadn't thought about this being for 'a month' at all. He might have been shocked when Lee invited himself in, but it hadn't been a bad surprise. And he hadn't thought to wonder.. how it would end. He shrugged in answer to Lee's unspoken question. "I'd... put up with it, with you, as long as you'll put up with me."

"OK, then." There was a small smile twitching at Lee's lips that Barney didn't recognize, but, hell: it was a smile. And Lee was staying! ..Maybe.

He blinked out of his mental break when Lee turned to him with a teasing smirk, "Gonna put the sound back on?" Barney was relieved enough to relinquish the remote to him. Admittedly by throwing it a little harder than could be called a friendly pass. But they needed to stay sharp, after all. And Lee enjoyed challenges to his skills.

And watching him laugh for real was something he'd hadn't realized he'd missed quite so *fucking* much...

Barney's attention on the rest of the old film was crappy, his mind instead looping on the relief of his world not only back, but back in order; Lee taking his word; smiling again; the certainty that he *could*, actually, put up with the man tagging his elbows on ops without remotely regretting his bargain. 

And then he thought about that 'permanently' that they hadn't actually agreed on, and found himself talking before he really thought, "You want a real bed?"

Eyes on the TV, however blankly, Barney nonetheless saw Lee give him a glance as he answered. "Nowhere to put it."

"Move the computer in here, plenty of room for that. You can have the office."

He could feel Lee staring at him as the movie played, but he had nothing to add. It had to be Lee's call to choose to... well. What did 'permanently' mean to someone who hadn't stayed in a single place longer than a few months for years?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they finally appear to have decided to RST!! :D so yeah, anyone continuing to read (thank you!), there is more coming, probably in next few days and might even see a 'Complete'!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We never 'snuggled' up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I not say I'd fail to 'Stop staring at them and waiting for them to get better'?

"What's the deal with them, anyway?"

Instinct made Barney stop before crossing the threshold the next morning; Lee automatically mirroring him, a step behind. Though the guys had left the main doors closed, the access door had been left wide open, no doubt to get some fresh air into the always stuffy hangar; and the metal frame carried Mars' confused voice perfectly.

"Tough call. Christmas isn't really back to his rowdy self yet, even if they *do* make like they're getting along. Just way too quietly. And.. Barney obviously agreed to something, considering the way he's kept from going off alone during ops. *Before* you guys showed up... They were friends; joking and grinning with each other enough to drive us crazy. And even if Barney runs things.. there were days even back then that a stranger would be excused for thinking Christmas was his partner rather than his right-hand with the shit he'd get away with. They'd read each other's minds until you wanted to strangle them. About as close as you get, short of living together."

"Lovers?"

Caesar's answer had made him smile sadly, but Barney was left blinking at Smilee's bored add-on. 

"..Dunno. They sure didn't have any personal space from each other; though somehow... even with that weird silence.. Christmas is almost sticking *closer*... I don't know, man. But if they were, or are, it obviously wasn't a regular thing, considering how often they'd get that 'not getting enough' snarly edge to their voices."

Lee choked back laughter behind him while Barney's mouth gapped, not sure how to take the casual discussion of his supposed sex life.

"Maybe they just needed someone to offer some blue pills for when things didn't rise to the occasion; can't be easy, at their age."

Barney almost missed his catch as he started to choke back a laugh. But 15 years in the field had given him a knack for feeling Lee moving, so he *did* manage to grab him with a hand over his mouth and the other arm wrapped around his torso before the brit stormed past. 

Barney manhandled his struggling, if only enough to make a point, friend back to the truck, first biting his lip, and then finally burying his face on Lee's shoulder blade to silence the howling amusement that Thorn would think, let along dare to say, such a thing; and that his friend would take it as quite such an insult! Arms caging a growling Lee against the driver's door for safety, Barney gave up the fight and just stood there laughing out loud.

When he finally chilled down, Lee was still scowling but he'd turned around to lean back on the door, and Barney'd ended up leaning on him weakly, the wild laughter after weeks of tension leaving him feeling almost stupid with release. He was still chuckling, head practically on Lee's shoulder again as the man muttered, his tone as insulted as you get, his hands on Barney's belt encouraging him to stay vertical. "Fucking kid. I do *not* need fucking Viagra."

Barney's hands tightened where they'd been resting on Lee's ribs, unhurriedly making himself straighten, though not stepping back yet, still smiling and feeling loose; aware, deep down, that a chunk of his joy was relief and pleasure at Lee's welcoming body language. "When *you* were his age, I bet you though guys younger even than *you* are, these days, needed it." He tapped his head sideways against Lee's ear, ending up staying there, too mellow to force himself back when Lee still held his belt without complaint. "I bet you thought *I* needed it even when we first met."

The few moments of dead silence -guilty silence, Barney decided- that followed, made him chuckle again. He finally had enough of the too-bright sun shinning on his eyes and pulled back a step, smile still wide as he wiped his face of the evidence of his little loss of control, "I wonder if the guys *all* thought we were fucking on the side or if it was just Caesar." Didn't seem likely, as close as they all were, but.. the idea that their team all assumed they were *that* intimate was a little hard to take in. Must be even harder for Lee, come to that, he thought, looking at his for one thing much *younger* friend head on.

Lee's still slightly guilty look melted into a smirk, "After the first time Toll saw me with a girl, he said he hoped we were smart enough to use protection."

Barney looked at him warily, "We...?"

Lee's finger slowly pointed at each of them in turn, smirk widening, loving, as usual, getting one on Barney, "You and me, yeah. And a *few* times, Gunner threatened me that I better, what was it, now" he pretended to think about it as Barney stared at him, wide-eyed, "Be *good* to you."

...Well shit. Barney knew his shock was obvious, and he tried to shake it off when he saw some faint worry cut the so-welcome laughter on Lee's face. "Hell. Didn't realize they thought I needed big brothering..."

Lee relaxed at that, shrugging, "I wasn't going to complain that people watched out for you."

Barney gave him a wry glance for the reminder of his new rule before heading for the hangar again, "I don't need *that* kind of looking after." Christ, another reason he wasn't safe to be near; good thing he was used to keeping people away already. Gunner, of all people!

When they walked through their gathered team, Barney started chuckling again as Lee wordlessly slapped Thorn on the back of the head with a reflective glower.

Neither of them chose to explain their behaviour to their confused team.

\--

It wasn't until they were in the air that the conversation came back to him and he frowned, turning to the man pouring over floor plans as Barney flew. "They don't *still* treat you like their daughter's greaser boyfriend, do they??"

Lee's head jerked up, eyes wide for a second before his expression started cracking and he started shaking with laughter.

Barney's lips twitched, the flight calm enough that he could afford to just watch his erstwhile copilot throw his head back on his seat; soaking up the sight of his friend finally happy. The old gang would have come up to share the joke by now, but obviously they were settling for commenting in the hold with all the newcomers.

The loud guffaws eventually calmed down and Lee's bright eyes finally turned to look at him, "I can't decide what's harder to stop laughing at: you as anyone's innocent daughter or me as a greaser kid." 

Barney grinned back at him, "You saying you were a jock? Lemme guess: soccer." He counted the mock-furious look he got in return as a complete victory and grinned wider in anticipation of the rant.

"It's FOOTBALL, you bloody savage! After all these years, I'd think you'd have learned a few things from me!" 

The flounce into crossed arms was too much and Barney choked on a laugh and had to cough to clear his throat, even as the so-familiar rhythm of the words, like the knowledge that Lee trusted him again, eased the broken and bleeding regret that had left him aching every waking hour since that damn rooftop conversation. The nightmares had still been sitting at the edge of his thoughts this morning, and he still had no idea how he could keep Lee from following him into death when he finally fell. But Lee trusted him and was staying at his side. Even with their team apparently accusing him of having tastes that had to have been a disturbing thought as a vital thirty-something guy.

"And no, I wasn't a jock. Yes, I played football, but only with friends." Dropping his act, Lee gave him his quiet smile, "I was actually more like a bookworm in those days. Most fathers would have been glad to see me appear."

They were quiet for a while, settling back into work mode. As Lee started pulling his plans back into position, Barney remembered his original question had never been answered. "So? Do they?"

Lee looked up, confused for a few seconds before he obviously remembered. And then hesitated. The completely uncharacteristic pause resonated with the memory of the shit he'd only just got out of and Barney felt a trickle of ice down his gut. Before he could gently insist on Lee telling him, the man shrugged; uneasily, but the look he gave Barney was calm enough. "Gunner still likes to bluster, and it's an excuse that makes him laugh. The others mostly stopped years ago." He quirked a wry grin, "When you get in a mood they tend to nudge and smirk and tell me to let you out of the doghouse, but that's about it."

Except it wasn't. The hesitation was there still, and Barney stared at his old friend steadily, unnerved that Lee'd kept this all these years. Hoping like hell *he'd* never made his friend feel pressured.

The brit finally sighed roughly, "And they gave me shit for hurting you with Lacy."

Not having expected that, Barney couldn't help his pause at the memory's blow, "..It was you you were hurting."

The hooded look Lee wore for the few breaths before he shrugged and went back to his plans left Barney thinking back to those admittedly grim days. It *had* hurt him. Hurt to see Lee be hurt over and over by all the little stabs that got exchanged in a dying relationship. Barney was just glad it was Lee that finally had enough and, after getting thoroughly drunk with the guys, had been dropped off at Barney's to sleep it off on his couch and then had woken up and broken it off before the end of the day. Better for him than having her break his heart.

As much as he regretted that his lonely friend hadn't gotten that perfect relationship young Billy had talked about, he couldn't deny the tension that had ridden him for the couple months Lee'd spent thinking of getting hitched to that woman. The fist of dread that had gradually tightened, wondering when he'd lose him. 'Cause there was never a doubt Lacy'd have made him quit, would have taken him away from the Expendables. From Barney.

And that...

He had to make himself stop thinking about it and kick his brain back on the job. The past was done and he had men to lead and keep safe, including the one that stayed with him.

\--

"SHIT!!"

Barney's hand was on his mike before Lee's smack even landed on the metal grid, "Thorn! There's a gate in the way!"

"What??"

Lee took up position at the bottom of the stairwell, their only way out of the now dead-end, Barney following step for step as he made himself wait for Thorn to come back.

"Fuck! It's not on the system! The only way 'round that doorway is the main floor!"

"Blow it or risk the open route??"

Barney shook his head at Lee's snarl. "Caesar. Status."

He flinched at the loud sound of automatic fire in his ear before Caesar shouted, "Getting stiff resistance, boss! Trying to break through but- shit! that's done it. We're boxed in!"

"Thorn. Reroute Doc with half Smilee's team to break Caesar out. Caesar, get that disc out and get to the transport." He met Lee's eyes, "We'll try to meet you there, otherwise we'll make our own way to the backup evac point. Go!"

Lee was running up the stairs before he'd finished speaking, and Barney followed, his attention on the radio traffic as his team reshuffled themselves; trusting Lee to cover him. They made it almost to the top before they hit resistance and he took a step back to give the kickboxer room to deal with the small party of apparently gunless bad guys. Caesar reported himself broken out and on their way again just before Lee shouted his name and Barney immediately transfered his focus here and now and forward, leaving his team to follow his orders, and taking the steps to slide his body and his fists between Lee and whatever had gotten to him.

The dual short swords the Korean was whipping in the body-strewn doorway made him hurriedly duck and slide his riffle down from his shoulder to his hands to use as a stick to counter the blades until he could find a way through them, still hoping to avoid alarm-triggering gunfire. He just about got his fingertips cut off and was way too glad when the fellow sprouted one of Lee's throwing knives on his forehead to bother ranting about the brit's blade whistling through his fucking *hair* on the way.

"You realize they know we're here??" Lee's voice was muffled, aimed away.

"They know *someone's* here. They might even know Caesar got something from that office. They don't know what we're after. Or how many are here. Did you see these guys report?" Giving his radio traffic only half his attention, now that he was point, he kept watch on the hallway ahead as he started pulling Lee's knives out of the mess, keeping his gun at the ready just in case as he waited for the touch to his back to tell him his partner was done patching himself. Or needed Barney's help.

"Didn't see them report, no, think they were just techies, probably going to check the alarm system you stepped on and refused to have Thorn shutdown. Still think we should just blow that gate and get the job done; they're gonna be just as suspicious after we sneak through the halls as they would be with one more blown gate."

"The guys are pulling their attention. We might get through the hall quiet."

"Fucked-up job."

Barney grunted agreement as Lee slotted himself at Barney's back. "That looked deep." He handed his collected knives over as he 'didn't ask' the question. 

"Just messy. Go."

Barney's jaw clenched but he jogged forward obediently, hearing Lee click his mike on as he followed.

"He said to go, Caesar; he meant it! Get them moving the fuck to your transport!"

Barney smiled grimly, pointing out to himself again why having Lee at his side was a good thing. 

When he heard faint steps ahead he sprinted for an alcove, shoving Lee into it before joining him to watch the guard squad trot unhurriedly by. They weren't made yet; at least one good thing today. Probably the last one they'd get.

\--

When they finally got back in the middle of the night from messing with the new government in Cuba, Barney was washing his hands before getting into bed when Lee limped in, eyes already drifting half-closed. His presence wasn't surprising, it never took much tiredness or pain for them to forget they weren't in the field. The nuzzle to the back of Barney's head before he took the two steps to the toilet to piss, *that* was unprecedented and shocking. And Barney stayed unmoving at the too-strong streak of fire that snaked through his spine. ..The hell...

"Lee?"

"Um?"

Barney turned, looking away from his own wide eyes in the mirror to meet Lee's medicated ones, and hesitated. This was *not* the time to even be thinking about this. He took a flinching look at the black and blue mess that was the brit's chest after taking three shots that he was lucky the vest had stayed whole for; knowing his back was almost as bad. Not to mention the slice down his right arm. Fucked-up fucking mission. "We never did get you a mattress. You sleep on the couch in that state you'll be paralysed tomorrow."

There was a moment's hard sharpness in the dazed eyes, "You're no better."

Barney didn't bother looking at his own chest, knowing perfectly well what he'd see. That they'd avoided anything but scratches outside their vests was a fucking miracle. "Fine. So we split the bed. You've snuggled up to my back often enough on ops; you should be able to sleep fine with me a whole queen-size away." He strangled the little voice still fucking *shivering* from that nuzzle. Their personal space *was* screwed up. Always had been. That was probably all it was. But in any case, Lee's condition trumped everything else. If he wasn't so zonked himself he'd have thought about this when they patched up earlier.

Lee's sharp gaze finally dimmed and shuttered and he nodded, "Fine," he nudged Barney aside to wash up. "But I never 'snuggled'."

\--

Waking up the next morning, those words were the first thing Barney's drowsy brain thought of. 

Because, this time, there was no question they were snuggling. And Barney didn't move a muscle as he scrambled for the lucidity needed to take full stock of the situation. The second he moved, he was 99% sure Lee would jerk awake. Hopefully not with the blade under his pillow ending at Barney's throat; hopefully their proximity as they'd slept would survive waking restrained and he'd still be recognized as a friendly. Obviously *too* friendly, since this was Lee's side of the bed and it was Barney wrapped around *him* like a vine. 

But if he stayed snugged here awake, he knew damn well his morning wood was going to get a whole lot worse and he sure as fuck didn't want to have to explain *that* while they were laying in a bed in nothing but their underwear.

Especially not with... that other thing from last night floating around in his thoughts.

With that in mind, he pulled his hips back first, then was going to start to extricate his right leg from between Lee's. Except Lee's hand swung back to catch his thigh, and the brit muttered, far too aware-sounding, "Not for *my* sake."

The hell?? On the unlikely chance the man was still asleep, Barney kept his confused response to a whisper, trying to ignore that warm, calloused hand almost on his ass; thank god he'd already pulled back at least a little! "Lee?"

But Lee shook his head, albeit gently enough not to hurt Barney's nose, pressed to his skull as he was. "Unless *you've* got a problem with this, I'd rather you stayed." And his other hand gently tugged Barney's right hand to wrap the arm tighter around himself; loose enough that Barney could easily pull out. If he wanted. 

It was too fucking early after too late a night. And Barney's instincts in *this* arena were shit. 

But. Lee was relaxed. Awake. Choosing to have Barney's hand and leg around him. 

And when his own senses were overloaded or failed, Lee's had been his backup for years, now. He'd made it through a fucking mission deaf from a too-near explosion by locking his peripheral vision on the brit's shape and shadowing his every move. Had made it through a booby-trapped and bad-guy-sprinkled labyrinth blinded from a blow to the head with his hand on Lee's shoulder.

And in this case, Lee was *relaxed*. And holding him close.

So *he* slowly relaxed, letting his brain kick this over at its own pace. Lee didn't mind their snuggling. That.. wasn't as shocking as it could be. Lee'd been the one to choose to start sleeping back to back with him a few years ago, even if it was after catching Barney not sleeping from cold and stiffness, so obviously he didn't have a problem with their touching. He could accept the man being as hard-up for friendly human contact as Barney was. And Lee had to know he could trust Barney. If he trusted him not to redo mistakes he'd already been caught making... then he sure as shit had to trust him in this. Though this *was* a bit... more intimate a trust than most guys, himself included, gave easily. But from Barney, Lee had never kept the distance 'most guys' kept. Which was kind of.. *surprising*, if the guys had been teasing him all this time...

Okay. Enough. He could actually relax and let himself drowse here, faintly horny and all, comfortable and warm, and maybe fall back asleep with the smell of Lee's warm skin hazing his mind, before one of them had to get up. Could let the feel of warm skin over healthy muscle quiet the nightmares.

Except for that other thing.

"Lee?" He knew the man was still awake, could feel his thumb rubbing that damn knot that never left the side of Barney's wrist anymore, but he still kept his voice low in the quiet of the room. The grunt he got in response was familiar enough to make him smile even with the unfamiliar situation. "Just how out of it were you, last night?"

He couldn't help regretting the question when Lee started to untangle himself. Even if the hug had been dangerously addictive and he was setting himself up for a bad fall to allow himself that many memories that would need stiffling. He held still and blanked his expression as Lee turned over, keeping his head on Barney's arm; too close for personal space, but otherwise no longer touching. Watching Barney curiously. 

"Since when does a couple Tylenols put me out of it?"

Barney huffed, unable to help smiling with some of the memories, "When you're tired, they always have."

Lee's eyes widened in surprise before he grinned, "Seriously? Never noticed. What did I do that you think was because I was stoned?"

Barney tried to smirk back, but could feel he was failing. He'd only just gotten Lee *back*, dammit! The last damn thing he wanted to do was open the door to question. But he wasn't going to start this second chance by hiding shit; he needed to know if it was just his body overreacting to something innocent -in which case he'd lock it down, without regret, and with the knowledge that Lee would forgive him the odd trespass-, or if Lee had really... actually wanted more. In which case.. well, he'd follow his friend's lead. As long as it didn't cost him his world, he'd deal either way, but he needed to know what he had to do to not fuck things up. 

"..You kissed me," he tapped a couple fingers of his trapped hand against the back of Lee's skull, "As you walked by." He tried not to tense up as he waited for a reaction.

Lee's grin faded into a half-familiar look like worried curiosity. Before he could quite place when he'd seen it before, Lee spoke, quiet and without his trademark smirk, "Should I apologize?"

"Not unless you're sorry."

"If it bothered you, then yeah, I'm sorry."

Barney rolled his eyes, too twitchy for his usual calm to rule, "For fuck's sake, Lee, I never said it bothered me, I just asked if you meant it!"

And suddenly Lee relaxed, though Barney hadn't realized he'd gotten tense in the first place, and brought a hand up to Barney's cheek, which shocked him with the sudden possessive intimacy, starting to smile as Barney's eyes widened. "No. Actually, you asked if I was out of it. Which I was, seeing as I didn't plan to kiss you," his smiled widened, chuckling as Barney frowned, "Easy, Barney. I hadn't planned it, but-" the smooth delivery suddenly stalled and Barney was still trying to keep up without jumping to conclusions when Lee shifted closer and his hand nudged Barney's jaw down. That streak of fire started playing in his gut this time and his eyes closed in undeniable anticipation as Lee whispered, voice rough, "But I've thought about it for fucking years!"

The words had hardly started rippling through him when his thoughts shut down, overrun by too-long-denied need into focusing strictly on the lips touching his. Stiff and clumsy at first, neither of them reacting fast enough to avoid knocking noses; both too determined to stay in even that unsatisfying contact to make the sacrifice of shifting position. Lee's hand on Barney's jaw finally forced them into alignment and turned insistent, parted lips pressing hard on his even before a determined tongue licked at the seam of his slow to react mouth. 

With a moan in his throat, Barney pulled out of his dazed head and snapped to the reality. Ignoring the distracting amazed glee dancing through him at the equal lust he could feel in Lee's hungry kiss and stroking hands, he pushed at Lee's shoulders, only remembering to be gentle when his own chest registered a complaint at the early morning movement of stiffened bruises. Pushed until Lee was on his back and Barney's waist rested between his legs, weight mostly on his elbows rather than Lee's chest, and resisted the mouth fucking plundering his to kiss his way along the stubble on Lee's jaw.

Lee! Gods... THIS?? That watchful curiosity when he'd admitted he wanted Lee to stay with him.. Had he been looking for- For a sign from *Barney*??

Lee's hands had worked their way into his hair at some point, and they gripped his skull, holding him still against Lee's throat as he spoke, voice fierce in Barney's ear, the warrior who fought at his side through mud and blood, "Barney? You want this?"

And Barney laughed, low in his chest, and the hands loosened, letting him continue his trail, savouring tastes and touch, from Lee's rough throat, over the smooth skin leading to the soft hairs on his chest. World of new sensation for too-long starved senses. He paused to tongue carefully at the sweat-salty hollow of his throat, then looked up with a grin, "Fuck yes." 

The grin faded as he met Lee's serious eyes, "Years. You know you've been the keystone to my life for years." When Lee nodded slowly, still watchful, Barney shrugged, "Would never have risked that on what I long-ago assumed were fuck-all odds of having *this*." Not even the words of very real, very *life-threatening* attachment Lee'd been giving him this last while would have ever led him to open *this* box.

Lee rocked his hips up and Barney's breath hissed, his eyes dropping shut at the grind of Lee's hard cock on his own, only two thin layers of cotton between them. "You miscalculated your odds." With another slow, hard grind that left them both moaning, Lee whispered, "I want you, want this. Permanently, under whatever terms you'll take, Barney."

Barney's eyes slivered open to watch his friend, his *lover* -by another of life's crazy twists-, "The only terms I got is that you be fucking *happy*. I'd rather it be with me, living with me, working with me, sleeping with me. For however long that keeps you happy."

Later they'd- *He'd* have to find words to talk. Work, the team, the past, the house. The future. 

But right now? He felt more alive than he ever had in his life, and the unholy joy in Lee's grin said he wasn't alone, "In that case, maybe we'd better put in a stock of those blue pills for when you wear me out."

Barney laughed as he let himself be rolled to his back, grinning up at his world -truly *his*, now!-, "Feeding you oysters and groping your ass sounds like way more fun, Lee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have GOT to stop watched E3. At least while in the middle of a story. It keeps spawning new fricking fix-its!! Managed to sprout out another 6k pest while fought with this last chapter -headdesk-


End file.
